Which stretches furthest, skin or elastic?

Skin,

Because in the Bible it stated that Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked three miles into Jerusalem.

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My wife walked in on me having sex with my mistress yesterday.

I protested, "Honestly, she means nothing to me."

Thankfully, my mistress believed me.

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BNP lost a lot of seats in Barking and Dagenham today...

Probably got nicked.