Post Your Irish Recession Jokes

**noelyf** · 25-11-2010, 04:37 PM

I`ll start with a few

What is the difference between a banker and a bank robber? One wears a balaclava!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know an optimistic banker? He irons five shirts on a Sunday evening!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Definition of a nervous wreck: a man who has a house payment, a truck payment, a wife and a girlfriend.... and they're all a month late!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear in Kerry they think the Credit Crunch is a new breakfast cereal!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man is stuck on the M50 in traffic when a garda knocks on his window.
Man: 'Whats going on?,' asks the driver.
Garda: 'Pensioners have kidnapped Cowen, Lenihan, Harney and a bunch of bankers and are going to douse them with petrol and set them alight unless they get 30 million ransom, I am going from car to car taking a collection'.
Man: 'How much is everyone giving on average' asks the man.
Garda: 'About a gallon' replies the garda...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to ATM to get cash. The ATM said that I had insufficient funds. I still don't know if it's me or the bank?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Credit Crunch - A husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's and the man picks up a crate of Stella beer and sticks it in the trolley.
Wife: "What do you think you're doing?"
Husband: "They're on offer, 10 quid for 24 cans" he says,
Wife: "Put them back we can't afford it"
They carry on shopping and a few aisles down the wife picks up a 20 quid jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley.
Husband: "What do you think you're doing?"
Wife: "It's my face cream, it makes me look beautiful"
Husband: "So does 24 cans of Stella & it's half the price!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their names and what their father did for a living. The first little girl said my name is Mary and my Dad is a postman. The next child said my name Andy and my Dad is a mechanic. And so on it went. Until one little boy said my name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay bar. The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked is your Dad really a dancer in a gay bar. Little Johnny blushed and said no. He's really a bank manager. I am just too embarrassed to tell anyone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Americans have Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder. We have Brian Cowen, No Cash, No Hope and No Bloody Wonder!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The cars been repossessed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three doctors are discussing their country's medical achievements.
Germany doctor: We took a kidney out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 8 months.
Indian doctor: We took a lung out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in six months.
Irish doctor: We took a pr**k out of Offaly, put it in the Dail and the whole country was out looking for work in three months!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian Cowen has made an announcement “We regret that due to Government cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is to be switched off”.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recession is worse than divorce, you lose half your fortune but you’re still married.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I saw Brian Cowen the other day. It was so cold, he had his hands in his own pockets.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**mamamia** · 25-11-2010, 04:40 PM

there very good Noely

**anto1969** · 25-11-2010, 04:42 PM

Excellent Noel, ah we need something to cheer us up

**noelyf** · 25-11-2010, 04:48 PM

Brian Cowen was out driving one day and sees a little boy with a box.

Curious, he stops the car and walks over and says "What's in the box kid?"

The little boy says "Kittens and they're brand new".

Cowen laughs and asks "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Fianna Failers," the boy answers.

"Oh that's cute," says Cowen and he runs off.

A couple of days later Cowen and Lenihan are driving running together and they spy the same boy with the same box.

Cowen tells Lenihan that they have to check out the kittens, and they run over to look.

Cowen asks the boy to tell Lenihan what kind of kittens they are.

"Fine Gaelers, and Labours," the boy says.

"Whoah!" Cowen says. "I came by here the other day and you told me they were Fianna Failers. What's up?"

"Well," the boy says, "their eyes are open now."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Cameron, Barrack Obama and Brian Cowen all die on the same day.

Being important people they are brought in to see God when they arrive in Heaven.

David Cameron asks God: "Britain faces many challenges, Racism, The Economy and War. How long until these problems are sorted?

God replies: "20 years".

David Cameron starts to cry as he will not get any credit when the troubles are solved.

Barrack Obama asks "America is in a lot of trouble with the occupation in Iraq, the credit crunch and unemployment, How long until these problems are solved?"

God says: "50 years"

Obama starts crying as he realises his grandchildren will still face the same problems.

Brian Cowen asks "Ireland is in trouble with the banking crisis as well as the economy, How long until these are sorted?"

God starts to cry.