Two detergents were talking in the cupboard.

"I've not been used to clean anything since that 'Mr Sheen' turned up".

"I know" replied the other "Typical Polish, stealing all our jobs".
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I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day...

"Apparently, A meal for two with a terrible view" Isn't the best way to announce the number 69.

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A policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day & said,

"My dog tells me you're on drugs..."

"ME!" I said "me on drugs???

You're the one with the talking dog!!!"
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Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!