I saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I screwed a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

___________________________

I found my step ladder last night,My real ladder left me when I was 4

___________________________

I've never run with the bulls in Spain.


But I was outside the door of a weightwatchers when the fire alarm went off once.


___________________________

If you watch Titanic backwards, it's a film about a submarine that rescues loads of people and brings them back to Southampton.


___________________________

Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to commit suicide?

He threw himself behind an oncoming train.

___________________________

My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.