I went to the doctors to find out why I couldn’t get rid of me belly.


He said “you’ve got an overactive ..." before he could finish, I said “What, thyroid”, he said “no.






Knife and fork, you fat twat”
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Took the wife to a disco last night.

There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large breakdancing moonwalking back flips the works.

My wife said to me that guy proposed to her 25 years ago, and she turned him down.

I said looks like he’s still feckin celebrating.
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A pervert makes a phone call and my Wife answers.

The pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"

Wife replies, "Yes, he's watching the football - who shall I say is calling?"