Couple Of Funnies 25 June 2012

A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see who'd get the most out of a dime.

The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes.

He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes.

He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes and on the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses.

He told the Ukrainian, "I know you can't beat that for stretching a dime."

The Ukrainian said, "I got you beat.

I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other one-half.

The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a sh1t in the skin and sewed it back up.

The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like sh1t.

He agreed with me and gave me my dime back!"

____________________________________


Sister Mary Margaret enters O'Flynn's liquor shop.

"I'd like to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey," she tells O'Flynn.

The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns.

"A bottle of Irish whiskey?

And you being a nun too."

"Oh no, no," Sister Mary Margaret exclaims.

"It's for Father Reilly. His constipation, you know."

O'Flynn smiles, nods, and puts a bottle into a bag.

Sister Mary Margaret pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.

Later that day, O'Flynn closes shop for the day.

On his way home he passes an alley.

There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret.

She's rip roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.

"Sister!" O'Flynn scolds. "And you said it was for Father Reilly's constipation."

"It is," answers Sister Mary Margaret.

"When he sees me, he's gonna sh1t himself!"