Wine & Beer

Wine and Beer Theories:

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Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer & wine I drink, I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about all the workers and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

I think, "It is better to drink this beer & wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."


Babe Ruth
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."


Paul Horning
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."



H. L. Mencken
" When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"


Benjamin Franklin
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."


Dave Barry
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!


W. C. Fields
Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.


Professor Irwin Corey
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in a can!



Leo Durocher (Love this one)
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

i think i'll use some of these as an excuse