Mooley
TK Veteran
LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez has blamed Sunderland's deflected goal on Chippy and Lyndsey, two nude invisible giants who, he claims, will do anything to thwart his happiness.
'But they're standing right there!' screamed the Liverpool coach
Darren Bent's fifth minute shot struck a giant beach ball Benitez believes to have been dropped by his 60-foot tall enemies during one of their naked frolics.
He said: "I have been plagued by gigantic seaside paraphernalia for months, but you all pretend not to notice.
"When Bent's shot went in I shouted, 'See? I am not crazy. Now apologise to me and my seahorse'."
Describing Chippy and Lyndsey as 'five times taller than humans and eight times taller than Sammy Lee', he added: "They interfere with my team selections, they bribe referees and they are painted bright orange from head to foot."
An FA spokesman said: "Mr Benitez started raving to us about Chippy and Lyndsey so we sat him in a side-room with a cuppa until somebody from Liverpool could come and get him.
"It's terrible they let him out on his own like that."
Benitez's hallucinations have worsened steadily since arriving at Liverpool in 2004 sporting an imaginary falcon on his arm and insisting everybody address him as 'Senor Cheeks'.
He immediately promised to rid Anfield of the vampire, cat-faced cockroaches that were infesting the changing rooms and after unveiling Fernando Torres in 2007, he went on to introduce Sammy Davis Jr and Secret Squirrel, whom he also believed he had signed.
Club captain Stephen Gerrard said: "It's getting worse every week. After the Sunderland game he told us we could still win the league. Me and the lads all agree that he now needs a series of powerful electric shocks to the brain."
Dailymash
'But they're standing right there!' screamed the Liverpool coach
Darren Bent's fifth minute shot struck a giant beach ball Benitez believes to have been dropped by his 60-foot tall enemies during one of their naked frolics.
He said: "I have been plagued by gigantic seaside paraphernalia for months, but you all pretend not to notice.
"When Bent's shot went in I shouted, 'See? I am not crazy. Now apologise to me and my seahorse'."
Describing Chippy and Lyndsey as 'five times taller than humans and eight times taller than Sammy Lee', he added: "They interfere with my team selections, they bribe referees and they are painted bright orange from head to foot."
An FA spokesman said: "Mr Benitez started raving to us about Chippy and Lyndsey so we sat him in a side-room with a cuppa until somebody from Liverpool could come and get him.
"It's terrible they let him out on his own like that."
Benitez's hallucinations have worsened steadily since arriving at Liverpool in 2004 sporting an imaginary falcon on his arm and insisting everybody address him as 'Senor Cheeks'.
He immediately promised to rid Anfield of the vampire, cat-faced cockroaches that were infesting the changing rooms and after unveiling Fernando Torres in 2007, he went on to introduce Sammy Davis Jr and Secret Squirrel, whom he also believed he had signed.
Club captain Stephen Gerrard said: "It's getting worse every week. After the Sunderland game he told us we could still win the league. Me and the lads all agree that he now needs a series of powerful electric shocks to the brain."
Dailymash
