sunday funnies


TK Veteran
> Teeheeee
> > *1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely
> > horse. I once rode her mother.'
> >
> > 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
> > Gibson comes inside of him.'
> >
> > 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from
> > Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
> >
> > 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't
> > that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
> > Oxford crew.'
> >
> > 5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
> > playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
> > balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'
> >
> > 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
> > Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
> >
> > 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
> > snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's
> > that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to
> > leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so
> > hard!
> >
> > 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better
> > today after a 69 yesterday.'
> >
> > 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said:
> > 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
> > this. '
> >
> > 10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports':
> > 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
> >
> > 11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male
> > astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They
> > seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in
> > his shorts.'
> >
> > 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
> > Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to
> > use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'*

---------- Post added at 01:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 PM ----------

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, An owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ' Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!' The bartender approached the little drunk and said, 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!'